and what am I supposed to do if you die from making a mistake because you're too tired to think straight? is that supposed to make any of me any of us feel good about what happened and that we didn't do anything to try and stop it?
( why is his chest hurting? ugh. this is stupid. why is yashiki so stupid. goddamn. )
[ Of course he hadn't thought of it that way. There's a flurry of dots as he almost responds a little too quickly to the message. Because at the end of the day he's still more concerned with the well being of the people he doesn't want anything to happen to than himself. He's almost frustrated that no one gets that, stupid as it sounds.
And then he stops, because the phrasing of question one and something unsaid in the second manages to snag his attention properly.
And a few long minutes pass before he actually responds a little reluctantly.]
... I hadn’t really been thinking about it that way; I guess. Of course, I wouldn’t want to put you in that position. It’s just hard to not worry about what I might be missing and who might die instead, all because I wasn’t doing what I could have been to avoid it.
[ And certainly doesn't want to lose you that way, Mashita. ]
I do, but I still want to try to save as many as I can along the way.
[ He's not sure if he'll ever be okay with that, even if he gets it. ]
Honestly, it's the people around me that I worry about the most. You and the other mark bearers. There's been too many close calls with you all trying to help me too, you know.
[ Need he remind you of the forest that night? ]
Look, I can't just promise I'll get better at it over night... Because I'd break it and we both know that. But would it make you feel better if I at least tried to prioritize sleep when there isn't a case? Provided I ever get back in my house, I mean.
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no subject
Date: 2024-05-11 07:07 pm (UTC)is that supposed to make any of
meany of us feel good about what happened and that we didn't do anything to try and stop it?( why is his chest hurting? ugh. this is stupid. why is yashiki so stupid. goddamn. )
no subject
Date: 2024-05-11 07:49 pm (UTC)And then he stops, because the phrasing of question one and something unsaid in the second manages to snag his attention properly.
And a few long minutes pass before he actually responds a little reluctantly.]
... I hadn’t really been thinking about it that way; I guess.
Of course, I wouldn’t want to put you in that position.
It’s just hard to not worry about what I might be missing and who might die instead, all because I wasn’t doing what I could have been to avoid it.
[ And certainly doesn't want to lose you that way, Mashita. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-05-11 08:04 pm (UTC)you already know this
( it's not that he likes it either, but that's just how it is. )
you should focus on the people around you first
and at least yourself
or we're all going to lose what ties us together as mark bearers
( among other things. )
no subject
Date: 2024-05-11 08:28 pm (UTC)[ He's not sure if he'll ever be okay with that, even if he gets it. ]
Honestly, it's the people around me that I worry about the most. You and the other mark bearers.
There's been too many close calls with you all trying to help me too, you know.
[ Need he remind you of the forest that night? ]
Look, I can't just promise I'll get better at it over night... Because I'd break it and we both know that.
But would it make you feel better if I at least tried to prioritize sleep when there isn't a case?
Provided I ever get back in my house, I mean.